“You’re going to do what?” Friends gasped in horror when I told them that I was going to Durango, Colorado for 7 days to work one-on-one with Tom and Flame, two outstanding personal growth professionals that I respected most. They said, “You’re 82 years old! This is ridiculous, you should have your life together by this time!”

Of course they were right, yet my passion to continue learning about the human condition still burned, even after 60 years of exploring how emotional intelligence is key to good health and leadership. But there was no point in fooling myself; I had a long list of issues to address during my seven-day visit: concerns about suffering and dying, continuing grief about my mother and husband’s death, self-worth tied to the success of my book, longing to believe in God or a higher power, lack of real love and appreciation for myself...

Of even more concern was the fact that my son was paying for it all! He was literally offering me the chance to truly love myself before I died. I was determined to do whatever it took to get the most out of the experience. In the end he got his money’s worth and he knew it!

Our days started at 6:30am when Tom picked me up at the guest cottage. We meditated together on the mountaintop and watched a beautiful sunrise each morning. Tom taught me to end by thanking the higher sprits in advance for things we were creating in our life. Thanking my higher spirit out loud brought a beautiful emotional feeling that I loved. I wanted to hang on to it. I wanted to believe it. At the end of seven days my goal of believing in God, or a higher power, really began to take hold.

Later each morning there was an exercise session with Tom who is a professional trainer. He improved my regular exercise program 100 percent, beefing up my energy levels with new techniques of balance, stretching and muscle building.  Later we went on to a couple hours of searching discussions - a feeling adventure in which Tom and Flame guided me safely and expertly through my fears.  Constantly getting down to a feeling level showed me the truth about myself. That’s where I found the answers I was seeking.

Afternoons involved special sessions like a marvelous hour and a half massage, a unique healing appointment with a great chiropractor, an eye opening horoscope reading and a penetrating discussion while relaxing in the waters of the local natural hot spring. Our dialogue and inquiry never stopped, no matter where we were. For three of these evenings we ate dinner in lovely restaurants. Flame’s devilish knowing silences when she eyed me with an amused smile always hit home. She knew. And I knew she knew. And we both laughed. The days always ended with an evening work session. Tom and Flame were caring, supportive, warm friends. Just being with them so intimately and comfortably for seven days was fun, like being at a great emotional health spa.

Seven days later I came home to a family gathered to see what had happened to Ruthie. I dreaded it. I had nothing to say for once in my life…. not the Ruthie they knew! I felt different and they could see it. There was no way to explain it. I wondered if I would be able to hang on to this new feeling of being relaxed and at home with myself.

Each morning now I meditate in my back yard. Afterwards I find myself weeping when I thank a higher spirit for making it possible for me to change some things in my life that didn’t serve others or me. I thank my higher spirit for showing me a way to make a contribution. And I thank higher spirit for having taken care of most all my other goals along the way. As I said to Tom and Flame on our first hour long follow-up phone call, “Hey, what did you guys do to me?”